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In the nineteenth year of Chongsheng's reign, spring begins.

Yang Kaiji asked Emperor Chongsheng for a decree and wanted to return to his hometown to take care of his old age and teach.

He didn't discuss this matter with anyone. Gu Chen and Pei Zhang didn't know about it. Even Liu Ruolan was surprised after hearing this. After all, Yang Kaiji was far from the age to retire and return home.

After seeing that in the imperial study room, Emperor Chongsheng nodded in approval and gave him some property so that he could return to his hometown to settle down.

After Liu Ruolan learned about this, she objected.

"I don't understand, why do you want to leave the capital? Even if you want to teach, you can still trouble the King of Wei and go to the Imperial College to teach."

Yang Kaiji was silent for a moment and only said: "Yang Boyuan is not qualified to teach the students of the Imperial College."

Then, his words became more serious: "Madam, I don't know why, what you expect and what I expect are always different."

When Liu Ruolan heard these words, her heart felt like a heavy blow, and waves surged in her heart.

What does Yang Kaiji mean by this?Does it mean she doesn't understand him?

Do you know him?

Before marrying him, she only used the little understanding she had of Yang Kaiji in her previous life to fall in love with him in this life.

However, in this life, she also got to see more of him.

He is depressed and frustrated, he is full of anger, and his spirit is exhausted.

She saw Yang Kaiji who was completely different from the phantom in her mind.

Moreover, in this life, she and he had disputes from time to time, and they were constantly entangled.

She asked herself, is the person she loves actually Yang Kaiji?

Or the outline of Yang Kaiji that she drew in her mind?

Sure enough, in two lifetimes, she was nothing but a complete joke.

Seeing that Liu Ruolan didn't answer, Yang Kaiji continued: "Madam, you will never understand the pain of losing your talent."

"Those gorgeous parallel proses that I once picked up with a splash of ink, those neat poems that made people all over the world praise them. Now when I write again, I feel dry and stagnant. The spring in my heart has long been blocked by sand."

"I tried again and again, but I have to admit that years of inner suffering have taken away more than just my energy."

"I feel ashamed to say that I have been entangled over the years, some of the sacrifices I had to make, and the resentment caused by my colleagues standing in a higher position than me. And the most difficult thing is the shattering of a half-life dream, and the admission of the truth that I am a waste."

"I, Yang Kaiji, am a useless person. I will never be able to return to the peak state when I wrote articles. It will definitely not work if I stay in the Yushitai. If I stay in the Imperial College, I am afraid that I will be embarrassed."

"I want to leave the capital right now, go to another place to find a school, and teach quietly to live my life, so that the students in Lingzhou don't want to learn from me. I hope Madam will make this happen."

After so many years, Yang Kaiji finally conveyed the words in his heart to the person next to him.

Liu Ruolan's heart felt like a pinching pain, with bursts of dull pain that kept churning.

If he really realizes that he is incapable of practical work, sees clearly what the people in the world really think, and decides that he is nothing more than a useless person, he will eventually be tortured in his heart, his dreams will be shattered, and his talent will disappear like a cloud of smoke.

Doesn't that mean that the root cause of Yang Kaiji's declining talent in this life is the one who forced him to pursue fame?

Thinking of this, Liu Ruolan's stomach was full of sorrow and pain, almost drowning her.

But at this moment, she must say the truest words in her heart word by word:

"I...I don't want to leave."

She didn't want to leave the place where she had spent her entire life.

This place she has loved, complained about, been trapped in, and has always guarded.

She has lost too much.

He lost the honor he had in his previous life and everything he could rely on.

She begged to be reborn in this life, but in the end, she seemed to have caught nothing.

But if she said that she had gained nothing in this life, she would not admit it.

She saw her mistakes clearly and everything Gu Chen cared about in his previous life. She felt that she... was a little different.

In her previous life, she only stayed in Anyang for three months before she felt the suffering was unbearable. She just wanted to get as far away from that poor and remote place as possible.

But in this life, she just asked herself, if she really wanted to go to Lingzhou, she... would do it.To face those rough days and live a different self from the past.

She did grow.

But now, when she realized that the silent collapse in Yang Kaiji's heart might have been ignited by her own hands.

She understood that she had harmed him.

More than that?In her past life and this life, she felt that she had harmed everyone.

Deep in her heart, she suddenly had another answer.

Yang Kaiji asked: "Then what are you going to do?"

She sat there, twisting her sleeves unconsciously with her fingers, and after a while she said: "Let me think about it again... I think I will go up the mountain first. After I get down the mountain, I will give you the answer."

She didn't say which mountain to go to.

Yang Kaiji didn't ask either.

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